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Learning to Love Myself


As a high school junior, these past few months have been lonesome to say the least. For one, I haven’t been able to see my friends in-person during school like I normally would. But also, I’ve been cooped indoors all day on Zoom calls.

My school is very vertical, meaning that there are a ton of stairs transversing the eight floors that comprise the building. On my journey from class to class, I’m forced to walk up and down these stairs, adding a few extra minutes to my total workout time for the day. But at home there is no such thing. Instead, I progress from one Zoom call to the next in hopes of making it to my next class before my WiFi short-circuits.

In addition to averting stairs, my PE classes are reduced to simple workout videos that rarely suffice my need for physical activity. My basketball season got cut short and my badminton season got cancelled altogether— it seems as though every method I rely upon to stay fit has been thrown into the scrap pile.

In the past, I’ve dealt with many body dysmorphic symptoms; I never felt content with my body— constantly trying new diets to surpass my fear of overeating and weight-gain. Being stuck indoors for months on end hasn’t boosted my morale, and my greatest fear has been falling back into that mindset.

However, with social distancing and quarantine being lifted ever so slightly, I’m able to get back outside again. I try to go on a hike everyday, or at least every other day when I’m not preoccupied with studying and at-home workouts. After a rough Google search, I found thousands of workout videos by creators like Chloe Ting and Pamela Reif. Lucky for me, these workouts are a lot more challenging than the ones I get for PE, so I’m a lot more satisfied with myself by the end of them.

My initial worries about weight gain and body dysmorphia have begun to subside, and now I’m able to channel my focus on bettering myself. While this pandemic has brought a lot of agonizing loneliness, I’m lucky to have found my outlet.

- J



Written by: Alina Fowler

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